Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
