ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
