Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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