I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
