i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
