how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
