shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
