I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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