he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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