I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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