i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
