we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
