Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
