Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize