My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
