who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
