Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
