we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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