Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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