roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
