He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
