porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
