saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
