I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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