You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
