I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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