She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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