# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
