Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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