She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
