There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
