Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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