Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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