My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
