i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize