walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
