You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
