Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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