I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize