i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
