the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
