Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
