I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
