i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
