Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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