yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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