I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
