Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
