y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
