We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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