I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
