Moan for me like Helen Keller
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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