well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
