break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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