I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
