i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
