my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
