I think im going to throw up on grandma
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i believe in u and ur pee
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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