I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
