my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
