last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he shaved USA in his pubs
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize