We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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