This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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