I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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