he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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