I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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