all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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