I wish I could teleport
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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