That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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