I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
