Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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