put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize