i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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