I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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